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Kotak Kecil February 25, 2009

Posted by tokkilin in The sphielz.
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Hatiku berderap dengan kencang saat melihat kata demi kata yang terungkap didalam kotak kecil itu. Mungkinkah ini pertanda? Seringkali kubilang didalam hatiku bahwa aku tidak percaya dengan pertanda. Kupikir, perasaan damai sejahtera itu hanyalah satu cara untuk menentukan pertanda. Tetapi kali ini hatiku berkata lain.

Aku teringat akan malam itu. Perjalanan yang biasanya kujalani dengan lantunan lagu lagu yang bersemangat, kali ini dipenuhi dengan air mata. Di sudut hatiku, kekesalan itu berdiam disana. Aku tidak menyesal untuk apa yang sudah terjadi. Aku cuma ingin untuk percaya.

Kenapa selama ini pertanyaan itu belum terjawab juga, aku pun tidak tahu. Aku percaya ada maksud dibalik ini semua. Apapun yang terjadi pasti akan indah pada akhirnya. Kucoba untuk mengusir pikiran itu. Dengan menghela nafas, aku nyalakan cd di dalam mobilku. Perjalanan masih panjang.

Entah kenapa, aku mulai mendengarkan alunan lagu.

I have decided I have resolved to wait upon You Lord. My Rock and Redeemer, Shield and Reward, I’ll wait upon You Lord”
“As surely as the sun will rise, You’ll come to us; Certain as the dawn appears…”

Tetapi, lagu yg dilantunkan saat itu pun tidak mampu mengusir pikiranku. Aku tetap marah. Aku tetap kesal. Air mata mulai mengalir. Hatiku dengan berat berseru: “I thought, I already did what He wants me to do and I gave up all and all. But on the other side, it’s really hard to trust Him, believing that someday, what God wants happening in my life not my own will because all the disappointment, fears and thought to give up are always there. Dan aku teringat akan seseorang yang pernah berkata kepadaku: “You are firm in what you want. So when the reality is different than what you want, you don’t adjust it. You’re waiting for what you want to come.”

Mungkin itu benar adanya. Mungkin aku memang tidak bisa menerima kenyataan. Mungkin juga karena aku tidak mau mempercayai apa yang sudah kudengar sebelumnya. Sewaktu waktu mungkin tidak mudah mempercayai apa yang mereka sudah katakan, tetapi, perkataan orang tua itu mungkin ada benarnya juga. Kubilang, terlalu banyak malam yang kusimpan dengan lutut dan air mata. Kenapa dari semua hal, hal ini adalah hal yang tersulit untukku. Aku cuma ingin untuk percaya. Saat itu tepat didepan mataku kulihat,  a bright shooting star. I didn’t believe my eyes. I closed my eyes and open it again, the bright shooting star still in front of me. Semua kekesalan, marah, dan keraguan hilang saat itu seiring dengan pupusnya cahaya shooting star itu dari langit.  I’m so foolish not to believe His promise. Human can change, but He can’t and will not change. Even though I have no reason not to believe but He always be there for me. The reality might be different that what I want, but He never failed on His promise upon my life.

One shooting star ternyata bisa mengubah pemikiranku. One shooting star bisa terjadi dimana saja, tapi aku percaya kalau saat itu bisa terjadi didepanku pasti ada alasannya.

Harusnya kali ini aku tidak usah ragu, karena aku siap untuk menghadapi segala sesuatu. Kotak kecil itu mungkin menyimpan suatu pertanda. 


Wishing February 23, 2009

Posted by tokkilin in The sphielz.
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The Clock never stopped
The Sun always rise while the moon is creeping in another hemisphere
The Flowers grow
The Butterflies and birds are singing together
Clapping their wings happily

I wish for a moment it will all stop 
I don’t want the day to be over
I want to stay right here, right now

I kept telling my self, everything will be good
My eyes always give discouragement
I don’t want to be like this
Yet, I don’t agree with the facts

Wishing the never ending 
I really want it to stop
I really want to give up

Randomly February 20, 2009

Posted by tokkilin in Random Blues.
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The title said enough.. I randomly thinking about things that I really really want to get this year. A bit late probably cuz’ most of people will think about this in the beginning of the year.. not 51 days after the new year.. but anyhow.. (enough rambling) here are the things that I want to do or get:

1. Culinary Trip

Thinking about food (again)… I really want to go somewhere (as in Japan) where I can eat lots and lots of good food. Been looking @ one of my friend’s facebook when she had this culinary trip to Japan.. Words can’t describe how yummy the food looks.. T_T

2. Wisata Kuliner

Well it’s totally a #1 alike in the same continent (I think) but different country. Talking about it with my long – lost – cousin. He wants to do it on July this year with his family and asking me to tag along. I really wants to go cuz’ I’ve been dreading to get to try lotsa’ food from my childhood. I hope this will, at least, come true. 

3. Go back to Indo

Why this is become #3? Because.. I don’t really want to think about it. The more I think about it, the more I really want to go. T_T 

… I missed my home country … 

4. Getting Back to my weight on 2007

This is least important because Food is my new hobby T_T.. I love eating.. It always give me happy thoughts.. But I really need to stay strong and start doing my “diet”. Hopefully I can loose this weight.

5. cool biker leather jacket

Humm.. thinking about it already makes me feels good.. don’t know why but I’ve been bragging about buying this for a while now. Been looking @ it in Zara for a while but.. my eyes fell instantly when I look @ ben sherman.. yumm. BUT.. getting to this point, I need to do #4 T_T.. cuz’ how can you look good with leather jacket if you have a safety bubbles around you.. ihik ihik.. 

Ya.. that’s all my randomness.. crossing my finger ,V,, hopefully I can do 4 out of 5 !!!

About Me, Myself and I February 17, 2009

Posted by tokkilin in Random Blues.
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After all of those emails going back and forth I think I decide to take the quiz that they’ve been discussing in the email. A bit shy to tell everyone about it, so I just put it in my blog. If you read this one, it means that you’re lucky he..he..he…  

^_^ so here it goes.. 

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. {a bit true on down-t0-earth (i think).. but the rest of it.. I don’t think I’m an efficient problem solver}

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. {Humm.. Hopelessly Romantic?}

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. {Yea, I think I am, but finding the guy itself makes this even more harder.. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack}

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that’s why you’ll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
{Whattt??…. I don’t do such thing.. seriously.. I think..} 

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
{Yes.. It is very important! Go back to School !}

The right job for you:

You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.
{Yupp.. I need to love what I do} 

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
{The level of confidence 77%} 

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
{Scarily true.. T_T}

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
{Happened all the time… *sigh*}

Chasing Pavements February 14, 2009

Posted by tokkilin in Happening !.
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.Adele. I fell in love with her voice right away. It sways me, reminds me of some old songs. It has a character. Can’t believe she’s only 19. A bit jealous with her, but hey, she was born to sing. One song that sticks to my earplugs everyday is Chasing Pavements. Here are the lyrics:

I’ve made up my mind,
No need to think it over,
If I’m wrong I aint right,
Don’t need to look no further,
This ain’t lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I’ll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And thats exactly what I need to do,
If I’m in love with you,

I’d build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops,
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place, should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

When I first heard this song, I instantly felt the mellow melodies and lyrics. Trying to figure out what’s the meaning behind this song . Watching the video clips helps a lot to figure the song out. {Although I didn’t really get the car crash, but I love the dancing in the pavements scenes.}

Probably, It tells a story about a girl. She met a guy, danced through life together, and realized that she fell in love with that guy. She knows for sure that this is it. For some reason, She was afraid to follow her feelings. She knew that this story have a chance to end not in a good way.  The dilemma in her heart made it so hard for her to move on.

However, don’t let this story get into you on this so love-able day. 

Happy Valentine ♥♥ !!

Hopefully you will enjoy this lovely day with your special someone while I’m away to Vegas ^_^